Friends and Wellness

I was chatting with an astute friend and had a lightbulb moment.  I shared that I was perplexed after learning about an ugly falling-out between two long-time friends.  Discord between friends and family is difficult to process. As we age, our concept of friendship and wellness must grow and mature as we do.  My friend (“Y”) listened and agreed.  She then declared: “The problem is we are too dependent on our best friends!” 

I laughed in agreement as “Y” said that we expect our best bud to be our confidant, priest, sibling, and running buddy too!  Other roles may include alibi, banker, chef, driver, priest, travel companion, and keeper of all secrets!  We expect a best friend to be sensitive to our pain and gripes!  She exclaimed: “This is too much pressure on friends!”  And when our best friend is not there for us or fails to meet our expectations, huge problems exist. We see this in television, movies, and all too often in real life. 

We need good, reliable friendships, but we also need more mental health professionals and spiritual counselors in our community. They can skillfully navigate complex issues impacting psyche and wellbeing.  Our best buddies, “my girl” and “your boy,” aren’t qualified!  They may try to help, but your friend may have too many of his/her problems.

This wisdom reflects a smart lady managing her experience with grief and loss.  My friend said her biggest mistake was looking for help in the wrong place from an older friend who had problems of her own.  Their friendship became burdensome and overwhelming.  I wonder now, have you ever felt this way about a friend?  Have you ever expected more than a friend had to offer?  Have you ever experienced a friend needing more than you had to offer?

The Pandemic has helped many to be more open about mental health challenges.  As much as it helps to phone a friend or family, sometimes this isn’t the answer. They may only be a great start in the path to wellness.  It’s okay to seek an independent professional who makes helping you the primary focus.