Yes, death sometimes happens during the holidays. Suddenly, you are stunned, almost speechless, as you face the loss of a loved one. With a big family, I’ve seen my share of loss. So, allow me to take a minute or two to share some of what I’ve learned.
First, you’re often left with many, many questions! You suddenly realize you’ll never get a chance to talk again, to pose questions, and to get good, honest answers. Your loved one is no longer here.
You’ve got regrets, too. Beyond the conversations you’ll never have again, you can’t spend time together and make new memories. Perhaps you were so busy living your life that you didn’t have time to make your loved one a greater priority. So, you have questions and lots of guilt.
Now, you must drop everything and prioritize gathering to say goodbye. You have travel arrangements, work demands, kids to consider, and other obligations. This time is stressful and challenging. The holidays are a real complication, but there’s never a convenient time to die, is there?
I recently binged on a comedy/drama on Netflix where a main character died suddenly. It was entertainment and TV, but the shock (and plot twist) forced other characters to react. In a raw moment, grieving family and friends dropped f-bombs in the deceased’s name! Family and friends questioned her and their own priorities and choices. There was anger and regret about missed time together. The funeral was about the dead, the living, and how they’ll continue.
I’ve found great comfort in talking with family and friends after the loss of a loved one. They’ve helped me sort through questions I have. After all, we all had a relationship with the same loved one, experienced different interactions, and had rich insight. They could answer some of my questions. But we all had regrets, too. We spoke about missed chances (in our busy lives) to visit and spend more time together. We finally talked about gratitude, simply saying, “I love you, or I’m proud of you,” and allowing ourselves the grace to learn and do better with those left behind.
So, again, death happens. As my friend would say, ‘None of us are missing this finale!’ But I still have a heavy heart. I’ll get up today, head to a favorite park, and take pictures of nature. During my hike, I’m sure I’ll see my friend smiling and encouraging me to go forward and live my best life!
Be kind to yourself and others, and Happy Holidays!
Live&Work 4healthyu 