Tag: Grief

Grief during the holidays

Featured by ETWellness, posted in Finding My Place in Health & Wellness, Grief, Lifestyles, Mental health, The Holidays

Yes, death sometimes happens during the holidays. Suddenly, you are stunned, almost speechless, as you face the loss of a loved one. With a big family, I’ve seen my share of loss. So, allow me to take a minute or two to share some of what I’ve learned.

First, you’re often left with many, many questions! You suddenly realize you’ll never get a chance to talk again, to pose questions, and to get good, honest answers. Your loved one is no longer here.

You’ve got regrets, too. Beyond the conversations you’ll never have again, you can’t spend time together and make new memories. Perhaps you were so busy living your life that you didn’t have time to make your loved one a greater priority. So, you have questions and lots of guilt.

Now, you must drop everything and prioritize gathering to say goodbye. You have travel arrangements, work demands, kids to consider, and other obligations. This time is stressful and challenging. The holidays are a real complication, but there’s never a convenient time to die, is there?

I recently binged on a comedy/drama on Netflix where a main character died suddenly. It was entertainment and TV, but the shock (and plot twist) forced other characters to react. In a raw moment, grieving family and friends dropped f-bombs in the deceased’s name! Family and friends questioned her and their own priorities and choices. There was anger and regret about missed time together. The funeral was about the dead, the living, and how they’ll continue.

I’ve found great comfort in talking with family and friends after the loss of a loved one. They’ve helped me sort through questions I have. After all, we all had a relationship with the same loved one, experienced different interactions, and had rich insight. They could answer some of my questions. But we all had regrets, too. We spoke about missed chances (in our busy lives) to visit and spend more time together. We finally talked about gratitude, simply saying, “I love you, or I’m proud of you,” and allowing ourselves the grace to learn and do better with those left behind.

So, again, death happens. As my friend would say, ‘None of us are missing this finale!’ But I still have a heavy heart. I’ll get up today, head to a favorite park, and take pictures of nature. During my hike, I’m sure I’ll see my friend smiling and encouraging me to go forward and live my best life!

Be kind to yourself and others, and Happy Holidays!

Grief

Featured by ETWellness, posted in Uncategorized

We all have a personal story about grief. We have lost people we loved or will in time. That was the premise of one speaker at a recent Toastmasters event.

She spoke about the pain of loss, shared a profile of loved ones, and the motivation behind many new activities in her life now. These helped fill some of the space. Grief is not easy to discuss, and my friend drew us in with light humor.

As she spoke, I couldn’t help but think about the family and friends I had lost recently and even decades ago! Yet, there is still space in my heart and vivid memory of smiles, laughter, and many large and small idiosyncrasies! A good example is my dad, who died thirty years ago. I remember his voice, tall stature, and many funny and wise sayings.

Today’s grown-up lesson is that grief is real and shared, and everyone we love leaves something precious behind! Just stop and think about a relay race and the passing of the baton. Our loved ones ran hard, lived as long and fully as possible, but ultimately stopped and passed on the baton.

I’m suddenly smiling, thinking about the “gifts” of so many. I feel I can go on and live my life, empowered, having known and loved many beautiful people who graced my life.