I’m not going back there!

I rushed into the local store smiling and salivating at the thought of enjoying an old favorite treat. Actually, I hadn’t had it in years and couldn’t believe my luck when I called, and the manager confirmed it was in stock. I grinned with satisfaction only to soon discover my treat wasn’t so special anymore!

I remember my first incredible steak, my first perfect cocktail, and my first and most fresh seafood. Who hasn’t shared tales of their first experience with their favorite foods?

Call me simple, but I eagerly anticipated Baskin-Robins’ German Chocolate Cake Ice Cream! I recall my first apartment, my job after college, getting off the train, and running to the store for a big scoop on a sugar cone. I lived for this moment at least three times a week! So, after a long work day and a grueling, crowded trip home, a visit was heaven!

I now realize this habit was expensive and terrible for my waistline! Once I changed jobs and moved, I stopped visiting the ice cream shop. I found plenty of good flavors, healthier choices, and less expensive brands in local groceries. I learned to enjoy ice cream but in moderation. Today, I’m also not fond of overly sweet, creamy desserts full of candy, nuts, caramel sauce, etc. For me, “less is more!” and I’m healthier and happy with my new grown-up reality.

My first experience with just one food (ice cream!) was memorable and oddly connected to my early adult years. I was learning how to work, manage a difficult commute, and cope with stress. Yes, it seems our first initiation with people, products, and services can be intense and strong. Sometimes, we get a whiff of something we like or love, which stays with us! Time and personal growth have helped me see things differently.

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Just forget & move on, you say?

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Have you ever wished people would forget the past and just move on? I sometimes thought this as I listened to the drama of family, friends, and co-workers. I now see this is easier said than done! One sunny afternoon, this thought resonated with me.

While running errands, I suddenly stopped and parked in front of a home I once lived. I had great dreams, hopes, and plans when I moved in! But I was also in the same position as most people: starting a new school experience, a new job, or even a new relationship. You know that place where we sit with so much hope and promise before life happens!

I soon compared my dreams and hopes to my actual experience. I had good times and success along the way, but I also endured a few setbacks and disappointments too. At one point, I even wondered if I had initially made the right decision to move here! I left my car to walk and ponder this period in my life.

Suddenly, I had an epiphany! My experience was necessary and got me to this point in my life! This home and neighborhood came with valuable lessons and personal growth. And yes, I could say the same about my university days, my job, and my relationships along the way. They represented key moments in my life, and so I’m glad I never missed them! I realized it’s not wise to second-guess and obsess about the past! I drove away convinced I should focus on the present and future.

The emotional dimension of wellness offers a window into the heart, mind, and soul. Indeed, I sometimes sort through old messy thoughts but inevitably focus on today and tomorrow. I also ask myself hard questions and face the answers with honesty and courage. Finally, I discovered this practice allows me to process everything and move on!

Families & Wellness

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This post isn’t about families sharing healthy meals and exercising together. Honestly, we can’t talk about wellness and ignore challenging family dynamics that often directly impact our own. We’re social beings and connected to someone from birth. So, while bingeing on an old TV drama recently, I could see fascinating ways families strengthen and hinder our wellness.

I watched Brothers & Sisters, a 2006 drama with an ensemble cast featuring Sally Field and Calista Flockhart. Calista played a fiery, conservative talk-show host, and Field was her equally opinionated, liberal mom. But unfortunately, politics can bring out the worst in families! Wonderful gatherings quickly descended into battles with wounded egos. 

Besides politics, there are other potential minefields in families. For example, just like this tv family, today’s families sometimes confront issues and questions involving abuse, divorce, faith, money, sexuality, etc. Any one of these issues and many others test the strength of family bonds.

Birth order offers a fascinating wrinkle too. The oldest felt pressures and responsibilities their younger siblings didn’t have. And, of course, those in the middle felt abandoned or ignored! But amazingly, resentments also surfaced based on childhood memories, and some memories are decades old!

Being a television show, Brothers & Sisters dramatically introduced family secrets, or those parts of our lives long-buried. But, of course, this family had big, juicy secrets and no filter! Every secret saw the light of day, and there was no respect for privacy or boundaries in the family.

As we all traverse life, sometimes we do so with imperfect family memories and relationships. Yet, being wellness-focused makes us want to live better despite the past. You may conclude that your wellness journey is more important.  Indeed, I hope we all smartly navigate our family drama and history and focus on healthy, loving connections. Just look beyond annoyances and distractions, and see clearly.

Hey, are you all in?

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It’s easy to be wellness-obsessed and a bit poor in this country! I drew this conclusion after attending a health and wellness conference. I encountered many folks passionate about products and services but struggling to make the living they want and deserve.

Let’s face it; wellness professionals have knowledge, products, and services that could enhance and save lives! They believe in their message, but the financial rewards may not come until later. Some wellness professionals work two jobs, side hustles, and long hours. During the first year of the Pandemic, we saw severe shortfalls in benefits, including paid personal time, sick leave, and health insurance. In addition, some businesses closed forever.

The conference included wellness professionals from A to Z, such as exercise instructors, nurses, x-ray technicians, massage therapists, life coaches, personal trainers, physical therapists, mental health workers, nurses, teachers, etc. Honestly, it would take a big tent to include every wellness professional! But, we know they touch the mind, body, and spirit of clients, customers, and patients every day. So, their connection to wellness is professional and quite personal too.

But I can see the determination and grit of people here. Wellness professionals face challenges in their work but continue to believe in it and want to help others. They continue to work hard, refine skills, improve sales pitches, and focus on the future. They believe in what they do, manage setbacks, and possess remarkable patience for the long haul. I can’t help but think I’m in great company!

Show me what you can do!

He moved with the confidence and athleticism of a pro, running and jumping higher than ever! He’d also always stop, turn to acknowledge fans, and strike a pose! But there were no fans! No sir, it was just me, his annoyed little sister, watching my brother bask in the joy and magic of his latest pair of new sneakers. Many years later, I now understand.

Yes, I admit I feel more comfortable and energetic with new sneakers! But, of course, I don’t purchase them as often as my brother did, so necessity wins out when I do. I usually know I’m ready for new kicks when my feet feel the ground, my shoes are embarrassingly worn, or I must adjust and retie the strings for support.

Recently, I delayed purchasing sneakers as I stayed closer to home during the Pandemic. I wasn’t visiting the gym, so I didn’t need to worry about my clothes and shoes. I thought my old stuff was fine at home or in the neighborhood. In time, I realized I was wrong.

I discovered that purchasing new sneakers and apparel helped me begin to make exercise a priority. But I didn’t run out and break the bank! There’s a lot to sort through with affordable price points. Instead, I found that fresh colors, styles, and fabrics make my day and motivate me to get up and move!

My brother loved new sneakers long before “Just Do It” marketing campaigns, celebrity spokespersons, and many red-hot brands. He wore inexpensive sneakers (thanks, mom and dad!) and still felt like a champion or someone who could be! Funny, I get it now as I wear my new kicks. I completely understand why he was confident, happy, strong, and ready to take on the world!

Are you caught in the middle, again?

I enjoy old episodes of the comedy, All in The Family. There’s nothing funnier than Archie and Mike, the father/son-in-law duo arguing and debating politics, race, history, education, or any subject. But, of course, both men believe he is right and doesn’t give an inch! Recently, I watched one show focused on the “messy middle” with new eyes.

We’ve all been in the “messy middle,” trying to understand opposing sides in arguments. The key parties could be spouses, children, or siblings. Perhaps the disagreement is between business colleagues, friends, and neighbors. You hear a compelling story and justification for their actions. So, who and what do you believe?

Now, back to Archie and Mike, who came from different places in life. One was conservative, and the other was liberal. One was older and the other a young man. In one of their biggest fights, the mother (Edith), always honest, was asked what started the fight. She was the only witness. Edith then shared a simple account that showed both men exaggerated and were fast and loose with the truth!

Have you ever found yourself in the messy middle trying to understand two heated positions? Have you ever suspected exaggeration from one or both parties? Have you been torn and conflicted? I have, and there was no laughter or cutting to a commercial break for me. Instead, I saw angry people and they hoped I’d take sides.

I’m learning to recognize the messy middle. It’s easy to make quick judgments and be wrong. And finally, I’ve discovered that people can see the same thing differently, the same fricking behavior! So, I like stepping back and allowing this moment to sink in. Suddenly, the middle (and my healthy emotional wellbeing) is not so messy.

Two Boys and a Bird

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I walked past a Two Men and a Truck and thought about summertime, the frenzy of people moving, and kids running and playing. This simple concept stuck with me. Oddly enough, this title is still appropriate and reflects what I observed and learned.

As I enjoyed a quick walk, Boy #1 suddenly appeared alongside me on his bike. I smiled and said hello to the little stranger, and he mentioned that another boy was in trouble! What kind of trouble, I asked? He said the boy had a bird and wouldn’t let it go! He said he told him to leave it alone, but he, Boy #2, wouldn’t listen. I assured him he’d done his best. Then, thinking about something on my stove, I said goodbye.

After I arrived home, I thought about Boy #1 and decided to check on Boy #2. So, I went in search of the boys. I soon discovered Boy #2 in the middle of the parking lot with his bike abandoned nearby. He held a tiny bird in the palms of his small hands, studying it intensely. He found the baby bird on the ground and believed it was still alive. I told him I doubted the bird would survive and suggested he move him out of the hot sun and place him on the grass. He did so and volunteered that help was on the way! I asked him to promise me he’d thoroughly wash his hands when he arrived home.

Help soon arrived in the form of a young mother and baby in a stroller. The mother picked up the bird in a paper towel and gingerly carried it over to a tree. She then supervised the burial of the bird in the leaves. Boy #1 continued to ride in small circles, watching everything.

I couldn’t help but think about both boys. Their reactions reflected their parent’s teachings. One boy was cautious, concerned, and kept a safe distance, and the other boy was fearless, curious, and focused on the bird. Yet, they both sought help from adults at this moment. The boys reminded me of how I grew up, cared about others, and learned to take risks.

What’s in a smile?

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I thought I was just a good, educated consumer researching the backgrounds of potential new doctors. But I was also drawn to their smiles and lack of smiles. Yes, I realized a friendly smile was a tipping point as I made my choices! Am I crazy? Have you thought about the significance of a smile?

I’m drawn to a warm, inviting smile when working with medical professionals. The smile says, “come in, and you can trust me!”  In contrast, a doctor with a long list of accomplishments and designations with a cold, stern, and unsmiling face tells me to keep my distance and not get too comfortable. But, honestly, beyond the medical community, I welcome openness and genuineness in the smiles of family and friends.

I’ve learned a smile can be alarmingly deceptive too, in my lifetime. Behind smiles, I’ve sensed insincerity, indifference, and a shocking lack of trustworthiness. In some, I’ve also discovered mockery, hostility, and cunning. Suddenly, my thoughts go to bullies, colleagues, politicians, and a few memorable salesmen.

I’m also more aware of the uncomfortable predicament of “unsmiling” people. I’ve known folks with dental problems, horrible teeth, or no teeth. Smiling is difficult and avoided. One of the best people I know comes to mind. After an accident, he was never one to smile and mastered a genuine tooth-less grin. I suspect we all know and love people who don’t smile or rarely share.

I considered majoring in “Human Development and Social Policy” in college, but I didn’t understand complicated human nature and interactions. Finally, a professor tried to explain how studying this area might help me in my career. As a collegiate, I was too naïve, but as an adult, I appreciated a smile and learned to look beyond it with greater understanding.

“Please, let me help you…”

While this is the graduation season for students, I’m excited to be graduating soon from physical therapy! Seriously, let’s talk about physical therapy. Once again, I’ve discovered how important “PT” is after my body demands attention.

I recently met my new therapist. First, we spoke about why I came to therapy, she then instructed me to walk and observed my gait. Later, she proposed a treatment plan for my sore knees. I’ve had PT a few times and know that I always feel the worst before feeling better. So yes, I was feeling cynical and not happy to be back.

I dreaded the practice of prescribing lots of exercises with confusing instructions! I’m great at following directions in therapy, but I don’t do well at home. So, this time, my PT offered fewer exercises and focused on my mastery of a few. She also provided pictures, a mobile app, and a website. So, on my phone, computer, or smart tv, I could check-in, record my progress, and see each exercise performed slowly and flawlessly by a coach.

My therapy team is working to incorporate my exercises into my home exercise regimen. The student in me appreciates lessons in anatomy & physiology, and I enjoy enthusiastic teachers. While they frequently inquire about my comfort and pain level, they also remind me how amazing the body is and why specific movements are critical. As a result, I’m gaining greater flexibility, strength, and confidence in my mind and body.

I’m in awe of the patience, professionalism, and extensive training of physical therapists.  I understand why adults must go back to basics, training the body to work again after illness and injury. Of course, we love to praise our excellent doctors and nurses, but don’t forget, physical therapists are heroes too!  

Turn up the Music!

On Mother’s Day, I enjoyed a short walk after dinner, lost in my music. My walk soon became a full energetic workout! I suddenly recalled the words of a friend who said, “Music Makes You Feel Good!”  During a recent speech about the many benefits of music, these were her words, and I agree.

I couldn’t help but think about the time in my life I was most physically fit and how music helped me love a great sweat! Group exercise, elliptical trainers, aerobics, and running were so fun! I still enjoy these, but my body says, ‘not so fast, girl!’ and ‘all things in moderation.’

Just as one could use music to up the heart rate for cardio exercise, I’ve enjoyed the calming effects. It’s my medicine as I commute to work; I center myself during my walk at lunchtime, and it’s my way to wind down as I prepare for dinner or bed.

A few years ago, I sat with family members by my brother’s bedside in the hospital. He was facing his last days of life. I thought about his love of The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, BB King, and how he would do his long-legged dance as a tall guy! Then, I searched YouTube and placed the phone next to his ear. We swear we saw a reaction and that it reached him on some deep level.

Music makes you feel good, and I’m holding on to this. The type of music you select and the moment and time are yours, but I hope you’ll embrace all genres, feel good and experience the benefits.