Caught In the middle – Live&Work 4healthyu

This post isn’t about families sharing healthy meals and exercising together. Honestly, we can’t talk about wellness and ignore challenging family dynamics that often directly impact our own. We’re social beings and connected to someone from birth. So, while bingeing on an old TV drama recently, I could see fascinating ways families strengthen and hinder our wellness.

I watched Brothers & Sisters, a 2006 drama with an ensemble cast featuring Sally Field and Calista Flockhart. Calista played a fiery, conservative talk-show host, and Field was her equally opinionated, liberal mom. But unfortunately, politics can bring out the worst in families! Wonderful gatherings quickly descended into battles with wounded egos.

Besides politics, there are other potential minefields in families. For example, just like this tv family, today’s families sometimes confront issues and questions involving abuse, divorce, faith, money, sexuality, etc. Any one of these issues and many others test the strength of family bonds.

Birth order offers a fascinating wrinkle too. The oldest felt pressures and responsibilities their younger siblings didn’t have. And, of course, those in the middle felt abandoned or ignored! But amazingly, resentments also surfaced based on childhood memories, and some memories are decades old!

Being a television show, Brothers & Sisters dramatically introduced family secrets, or those parts of our lives long-buried. But, of course, this family had big, juicy secrets and no filter! Every secret saw the light of day, and there was no respect for privacy or boundaries in the family.

As we all traverse life, sometimes we do so with imperfect family memories and relationships. Yet, being wellness-focused makes us want to live better despite the past. You may conclude that your wellness journey is more important. Indeed, I hope we all smartly navigate our family drama and history and focus on healthy, loving connections. Just look beyond annoyances and distractions, and see clearly.

I enjoy old episodes of the comedy, All in The Family. There’s nothing funnier than Archie and Mike, the father/son-in-law duo arguing and debating politics, race, history, education, or any subject. But, of course, both men believe he is right and doesn’t give an inch! Recently, I watched one show focused on the “messy middle” with new eyes.

We’ve all been in the “messy middle,” trying to understand opposing sides in arguments. The key parties could be spouses, children, or siblings. Perhaps the disagreement is between business colleagues, friends, and neighbors. You hear a compelling story and justification for their actions. So, who and what do you believe?

Now, back to Archie and Mike, who came from different places in life. One was conservative, and the other was liberal. One was older and the other a young man. In one of their biggest fights, the mother (Edith), always honest, was asked what started the fight. She was the only witness. Edith then shared a simple account that showed both men exaggerated and were fast and loose with the truth!

Have you ever found yourself in the messy middle trying to understand two heated positions? Have you ever suspected exaggeration from one or both parties? Have you been torn and conflicted? I have, and there was no laughter or cutting to a commercial break for me. Instead, I saw angry people and they hoped I’d take sides.

I’m learning to recognize the messy middle. It’s easy to make quick judgments and be wrong. And finally, I’ve discovered that people can see the same thing differently, the same fricking behavior! So, I like stepping back and allowing this moment to sink in. Suddenly, the middle (and my healthy emotional wellbeing) is not so messy.

Category: Caught In the middle

Families & Wellness